How to Make Harry Potter Love You
by crazyladywithabag
Summary: Harry Potter has been suspiciously 'okay' to Draco Malfoy of late, and Draco can't stand it. And he's found one slight problem in his plan of finding out why Potter is being so nice, he's in love with him. DMHP slash HGRW BZLL subject to change
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I do not own Harry Potter and it's all your fault. No it isn't but don't you wish it were.

HOW TO MAKE HARRY POTTER LOVE YOU!

The days for the Hogwarts new Fifth Year students had started with a bang. Although things weren't quite as they were before.

"So Potter, how does it feel to know it's all your fault Diggory's dead?" Draco Malfoy was cruel and vile, and he knew he could make Harry Potter angry, and he loved it.

"Shove off Ferret-Face?" Ron Weasley hissed.

Harry watched this display with ongoing amusement. It's been like this for years.

"Ron, just go, we don't want to get in trouble, Hermione'll kill us. " Harry said calmly.

"Why Potter, scared? You are that pathetic aren't you?"

"No not really. Good Bye"

The two friends walked down the hall.

"What on Earth were you doing Harry? You were being nice."

"He wants us to be angry, he'll tell Snape and then we'll get in trouble, and then Hermione will tell us to stop fighting, and then it starts all over again."

Draco Malfoy was confused. Very confused. That wasn't what usually happened. He liked to annoy Potter because of the way he reacted, and of course he would never get in trouble. He was Draco Malfoy.

THE NEXT DAY

"Oh look. Pot Head and the Freaks." Draco said to Crabbe and Goyle.

"Potter, what cat got your tongue? Or are you so pathetic that you can't even speak. What's it like being so stupid?"

Harry just smiled, and went on reading, that's what the library is for. Right?

"Oh look Potter's so scared he can't even speak, where's your Gryffindork bravery now, Potter?" spat Draco.

"OK, if that's all you can leave now, or if you please, speak louder, I'm sure Madame Pince would love to see you out." Harry said mockingly.

Draco scowled, he didn't like this new Harry, I mean Potter, yes this new Potter, ungrateful of the time he gave him, he should be glad to be his my presence.

"Harry," Hermione said curiously "that's not the way you usually act around Malfoy, what's this all about?"

"All what about?"

"You know, you didn't argue or anything, no glares, no nothing."

"Don't even try 'ermione, I mean I asked 'im the other day and he's all, it'll annoy 'im if I do nuthin" Ron said with his face stuffed with chocolate frogs.

Harry grinned. This was going to be an interesting year.

"Ronald, do not eat in the library! It's against the rules!"

IN THE SLYTHERIN DORMS

'I just don't get it, why on earth would Potter not react, I mean, he always, I mean it's like he doesn't even care anymore, why am I so upset about this. Damn this is confusing, Malfoy's are not to be confuddled...I mean CONFUSED. Oh Merlin....'

"Draco, why are you sighing?" Blaise asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Um... uh...you know Malfoy's don't sigh"

"Don't even give me that bullshit Draco, I've known you since we were what, BORN and you haven't been this moody since your dad took away your diary."

"It was not a diary it was a journal!"

"You say Puh-ta-to I say Pa-ta-to"

"But you don't"

"That's not the point Draco! You know what I mean! You are always moping nowadays. It's like you're in...no..you....you...you-" Draco cut him off

"What are you talking about Blaise? I have no time for your nonsense"

"You're in Love, a deep unmitigated love, one that you haven't figured out yet, and I will be really freaked out by when you do"

"And with whom would I be in love with may I ask?"

"Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World, Hot Body Winner July, August , October and December, and all the girls in Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor's drool toy, we know that Ravenclaw has a few anti- Potters, so most in Ravenclaw."

"Pot-head? POTTER! So your saying I'm supposed to be in love with that no good stupid muggle born loving freak" Draco fumed, but somehow he wasn't as angry as he should be, and so he got ANGRIER.

"Now see Dray, on a usual day you would say mudblood, but after all this time with Potter you have begun to say muggle born, muggle born I ask you?"

"You Blaise are over analyzing this."

'Blaise is obviously not feeling well maybe he should go to the hospital wing. Who talked like this? Potter? POTTER? I mean sure he has gorgeous green eyes, and a really toned body, not that I've been staring, and sure he's tanned, and sure he has great hair. Sure he keeps me on wits end and I dream of him every night and think of him all day, but THAT DOES NOT PROVE ANYTHING!'

"I see you have figured it out looking at your wide eyes and even more shocked expression, it's not like everyone in Slytherin didn't already know, Dray, you obsess about the guy way too much to not be in love with him" Blaise said with a knowing smirk.

"But I'm not even gay!!!" Draco cried.

"A guy that takes an hour on his hair, and takes two hours to prepares his clothes at night, even though it's still a school uniform, has manicured hands, and hates to get dirty, is obviously gay, sorry Dray" Blaise said trying not to burst out laughing at Draco's obvious breakdown.

"So what do I do? Even if I do like him, he'd never go for me, and my parents wouldn't approve, the rest of the world would be against us"

"Dray, on all aspects you are wrong, except a tiny bit that last one, but they'll love you. You're parents don't care who you marry as long as you give 'em heirs, they quite like Potter now that he helped them out. And you know you can with Male Pregnancy Potion, FUCK THE REST OF THE WORLD! and of course he likes you don't you see how he's been acting the past few days."

"No, he is ignorrrrinng meeeeee" Draco whined which turned into a sob.

"Well we'll just have to find a way to help you get through this then." Blaise rolled his eyes, while sighing.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Yeah, what are best friends for if not to get a savior of the wizarding world gay boyfriend for their queer best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

GRYFFINDOR DORMS

'Damn it, platinum blonde hair, silver grey eyes, lean quidditch toned body, I've got it bad. Think of something else, Snape in a bikini, EW it's like Alan Rickman in a bikini but worse. "

"Harry! Why are you shaking your head?" Ron Weasley asked his best friend alarmingly as Harry continued to shake his head roughly around and around and around.

" I had a disturbing thought"

"Hmm.....would this thought be about Pansy Parkinson?"

"NO!"

"Don't deny it Harry, it's okay you like a Slytherin, I mean sure she looks off but I know love goes through anything."

"Ron I am not in love with Parkinson!"

"It's okay Harry, you can tell me anything, I'm your best friend, I'll stick with you through thick and thin, through sand and stone, through-"

"Ron we aren't getting married." Harry says obviously flustered and quite annoyed at the situation at hand.

"Right mate, but still, I'm your best mate, you know you can tell me _anything_." Ron smiles knowingly.

'Wait. Back up, back up. ANYTHING...wow, freedom I can do anything with that. I suppose now I can spill the beans.' Harry smiled as looked at his nails.

"I'm Gay"

"..."

"So you finally figured that out, did you now."

"You knew?" Harry raises his eyebrows.

"Of course I did" Ron says haughtily

"YOU knew" Harry clarifies.

"Well Hermione told me. But I'm fine with it."

"Then why Parkinson?"

"Well she's so manly, and I thought that you thought you were straight you might like her"

"Ugh, Parkinson, Nott would be better than her"

Hermione Granger walked in through the portrait hole, with homework in tow.

"Hello boys" She chirped while chewing the end of a sugar quill.

"Hi" and "Hey" were the morbid and happy comebacks from the two boys.

"Hermione, did you know that Harry has just found out that he is gay."

Hermione leaped up and hugged Harry and said " Harry that is fantastic we are very happy you have found yourself, now all you need is someone else, a _blonde_ someone else"

"Who? Colin? Because, mate, although he has a shrine of you, I think you best be careful around that one, and his brother too." Ron offered.

"Really, guys I don't need any help, I just know I don't like anyone with breasts, and I really like guys, but I don't like anyone at the moment, and I don't need you two setting me up"

"So that takes away Toby Rollenstien, he has man boobs the size of Derbyshire"

"How about Draco Malfoy, I know he is a right git and a real prat, but from a male view I think he could be -ugh - attractive, and I know he is gay" Ron joked.

Harry blushed, really blushed, oh god how red can a person get.

"Dear Merlin, you fancy Draco Malfoy!"

"FINALLY Ron did you get what I was saying, I mean he did stare at his arse all morning in potions, and really no fighting?!"

"Well then what are we going to do about it, Malfoy is not exactly the type to go for Harry." Ron said dejectedly

"No," Hermione smiled "Not unless they have a push"

ONWARDS TO THE SLYTHERIN DORMS

"I have to do WHAT!" Draco Malfoy screeched.

"Look Dray, you have to do the work to get the reward, so we will have to do this" Blaise tried to make Draco understand really if he wanted Potter he was being unreasonable.

"B-but I'll look like a fool!"

"All you have to do is shake your arse, and sway your hips, what's the bloody big deal" Blaise was about to run his hands through his hair, thought better of it and smacked Draco on the head.

"Ow! Merlin Blaise, I'll look like a poof!"

"You are a poof" Blaise reminded him.

"Well I don't want to look like one" Draco argued

"You already do you idiot"

"I do...oh god, no one respects me, what will I do, now my life is RUINED!!!" Draco burst into sobs.

"You're such a drama queen, come on princess, let's get back to working on your Potter Master System as you call it"

"Well next I'll have to castrate myself for this stupid plan." Draco muttered while holding onto his parts as to make sure they wouldn't disappear.

Theodore Nott walked in and on seeing the two Slytherins immediately asked "What on earth are you doing?"

"I'm working on my PMS"

"Your PMS, is that w-why, are you sure you don't want me to call Pansy to help you with it"

"Nah, Blaise has been a big help in PMSing"

Theodore Nott had never been more creeped out while he backed out very slowly.

THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM {DORMS} [DORMITORY]

"So like this" Harry said while walking with his hips swaying while he traced a finger around the angular jaw line.

"Perfect" Hermione squealed "He is going to run to you!"

"Mate, with the matter that my girlfriend is a bit hyper happy about gay boys, I think this just might work" Ron said.

"Now all we need is the clothes!!!" Hermione was bursting

"We need Ginny" Ron said immediately. Ron knew that whatever Hermione picked for Harry it wasn't going to be pretty, or handsome.

"I think I can manage this well myself, Ronald Weasley" Hermione mocked.

The boys simultaneously looked at each other and cracked up.

"What! I tell you I am very chic, and quite a fashionista" Hermione held her nose up high.

"Come on let's get Ginny. She'll be a big help." Ron was excited, his best friend was being paired up finally after every girl, even though it was a boy, and a annoying git at that, but he was willing to put it past him, par his friend was happy.

"Ginerva Molly Weasley get your butt down here right now!!!" Ron screamed up the sixth year girls dorms.

"What do you want Billius?" Ginny drawled in a morbid tone.

"We need you to give Harry a hot new look"

"Harry Potter, New Look, Hmm" Ginny put her fingers in a square formation and looked through them and said

"I see green, green, give me green silk, NOW!" Ginny screeched

Ron and Hermione ran to get the silk, they were deathly afraid of the 5 ft 4 in girl.

"So tell me Harry," Ginny purred "for who are you getting this makeover"

"Uh...," Harry was suddenly very uncomfortable, this was his ex girlfriend "Draco Malfoy" he whispered.

"Draco Malfoy." Ginny repeated

"Draco Malfoy"

"DRACO FUCKING MALFOY"

"Uh...yes." Harry said, he was now feeling very small, even though he was the supposed Savior of the Wizarding World.

"Okay" Ginny chirped suddenly very hyper happy.

"Here" Ron said presenting a green bar of silk

"I WANT EMERALD GREEN NOT TEAL, DO YOU NOT SEE HIS EYES, EMERALD PEOPLE, EMERALD!!!" Ginny looked slightly crazy.

"Yes miss!"

LATER IN THE GIRLS DORMS 

"Draco Malfoy hmm.... we'll just have to see about that" A girl said holding a bottle of love potion.


End file.
